I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
