Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
