Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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