she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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