I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
