Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
