We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
