I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
