Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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