this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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