i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
