Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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