love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
