my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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