I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
