so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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