I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
