Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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