the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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