So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
