why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
