If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
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I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
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If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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