Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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