Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
