the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
