I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
