For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
