I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
is it fun? or sober?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
