My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
