While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
