you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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