I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Screwed.edu
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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