Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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