Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize