Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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