we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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