Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
