The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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