I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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