can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
