From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
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I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I didn't notice because vodka
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
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Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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