That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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