She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
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