btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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