i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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