I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
