I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
