Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
