just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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