having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
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despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
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THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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