just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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