Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
