you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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