Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My feet surprised me
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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