fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
