I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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