even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize