I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
